LE 5 - Shadows and Light (Closed)

[Nozomi]

Nozomi was grateful for one thing today. Her daughter was tended to. The recording of the thoughts of Shinsei were something that his own child took great fascination in, which meant that she would remain there, in a very public place, where her father would know exactly where she was. And, while her own understanding of theology, of his teachings, was as lacking as it had ever been?

Nozomi definitely remembered at least some of Shinsei's lessons.

Her awareness extended outwards from herself the usual distance, filling the chamber that she had been asked to meet Shosuro in. She could perceive every nook and cranny, and knew to expect the sensation of the woman's presence to be ... disconcerting at best. Settling herself in a seiza position, in advance of the thunder's arrival, she cleared her mind and her thoughts, recovering her center while she awaited the other's arrival. The irony that the woman had chosen the Temple of Ametarasu in the dead of night with Lord Moon wafted down on them wasn't lost on Nozomi, but it was also a good place. Public, yet private enough they could speak freely, not to mention closed in so that it was comfortable despite the cold.

Putting aside her roiling thoughts from earlier in the day, she settled quietly and relaxed ... not quite ready for the woman to arrive, but as ready as she could be.

=========

Scene is closed, 8 Direction Awareness is active. 1 Void Point recovered in advance of Shosuro arriving.

[Shosuro]

Shosuro enters quietly but not inhumanly quietly. Likely she was concentrating on keeping herself fully there for Nozomi's sake. She bows at the entry and at the shrine, doing a short prayer before she stepped over toward Nozomi. "Thank you for meeting with me."

[Nozomi]

Nozomi returned the bow, grateful that whatever Shosuro was doing? It kept her from seeming to flit in and out of existence. That experience was almost enough to make the stomach lurch at times. "Shosuro-sama. After we spoke last, I had a feeling we would need to meet, that there were things you and I had to discuss still that ... are probably best served just between the two of us." Whether or not she spoke with Shinsei afterwards being a separate matter. "Please, join me. What did you wish to talk about?"

With the Doji, she followed the strictures of beating around the bush. With Shosuro, however, it felt better to at least approach the topic more directly. They were alone right now. There was less reason to dance quite so nimbly around the topic.

[Shosuro]

She stepped over near Nozomi, settling down nearby, but not too close. Respecting her space. Despite that, she worries at her lower lip a little before her speaks, looking at where her hands are folded. "It's about... I suppose we are going back to when things were explained to me, after your dream. I say explained, but it was just... my effect on others. Now that it's just us, I can say... When I was young, I used to think people didn't like me, because I thought they were ignoring me. Even when I tried to be noticed, I could hold their attention intermittently at best."

[Nozomi]

She listened, and as she did, Nozomi lifted a leg up to rest her arm on top of the knee. It was a more casual posture, one that was as much an effort to put herself at ease as it was to help Shosuro be at ease. She didn't close her eyes, not fully trusting the situation, but as the girl started to explain, she nodded. "In some ways, you have the opposite effect on me. I... do not dislike you, to be clear. I have never actively disliked you." She paused, considering for a moment and finally sighed, looking her in the eye.

"I was afraid of you, when we met. You have a ... gift. For when you are young it might feel like a curse, but in some things it is very useful I am sure, as you have learned. But, where others just do not notice? It scares me a little, and it fascinates me. Because you are not the first I have known to have this ... gift and I do not understand it." A pause. A thought. "I may have met your mother once. A very very long time ago. I do not know that she would remember me."

[Shosuro]

"She remembers you," she responded simply. "I don't know that it's a gift, though. I can't afford even to be afraid of it. If it is one, I would like to return it to the gifter." She gave a slightly sour frown at that.

"You notice it when it comes into play. I don't know why that is."

[Nozomi]

Nozomi shuddered once when it was mentioned that her mother remembered her. She'd just been a tiny girl in those days. They'd never once met since then. she was aware of her only by reputation, and it was guesswork until this moment that it had been her. "I do not know that it is a gift either, and you are smart to be aware that it might be ... less healthy or safe than it appears. I don't know. I know a lot less than you might think."

Her eyes canted to the side and then turned back. "I think that I notice you because I am more aware that 'this' exists. I am familiar. Just like it makes people not notice you? If they have no reason to think it is otherwise? They have no reason to remember that you were different or why. It protects itself, but I have known it exists since I saw your mother across the river bank as my village burned to the ground." She frowned. "I do not blame your mother. It was another tribe. Old business, that. Bloody business. She was just... there. And I saw her."

"I have followed rumors ever since, but since we met in the dream I've been more cautious about it. Sometimes, it feels as if the shadows are looking back at me."

[Shosuro]

"That would be an impressive feat, considering it doesn't seem healthy or safe." She gave a soft, dry chuckle. Her expression turned serious as she listened about her mother. "She's not hostile to you or anything, if it helps. She's just... strange."

[Nozomi]

The attempt at humor did help a little. She managed a small laugh. "I... do not think I ever felt either of you were hostile. In fact, until that night I did not know you existed. I harbored little dreams until I learned he was wed of catching your father's eye when I was much younger and more foolish." She had the decency to look a little embarrassed. "And I did not think she meant me, or my people ill will. But since I was in the south, I have become aware that... how do I put this."

"I felt something. Something that reminded me of the two of you in that place. Something old, and asleep that did not want to be woken, did not want to be disturbed. You are not hostile, but what it felt like when it looked back at me? It was hostile, and all consuming. Like staring into darkness itself. But it was not the same as what lurked in that land. It was something else." She didn't mention Shinsei and had no plans to do so. The fewer who knew that they knew, the better. "And so I am cautious. Because I think that there is something in that darkness that is not safe. Not for you, your mother or father, nor for me."

...

"Your mother is unique. There was a feature of hers that I do not speak of often, and I do not want to cause offense. May I say this freely without judgment?"

[Shosuro]

"That's rather cute," she commented with a small smile. "What young person doesn't have a crush like that at some point?"

At the description of what she found, Shosuro pulled her knees up, wrapping her arms around them. Her face turned to a focused, neutral mask. "Being cautious is wise, just be careful not to let caution come from fear."

"You're welcome to speak as you wish about it."

[Nozomi]

"I even wore a mask for years, but I'm sure Bayushi Umeno-sama brought that to him. I was very young, Shosuro-sama," she said, sighing as she admitted it, reaching up to rub her forehead. "Your father has a way of having an effect, even when someone hasn't met him. He has quite the mysterious reputation."

Ahem. "I am not quite the scared young girl who fled that moment. But I do not provoke what I felt that day without reason." She swallowed and looked her directly in the eye. "I know that most would. I know it, but I cannot forget seeing a woman who has no face. When we were in the dream, yours... faded from time to time, but you still had it. It is how I know you are touched as your mother is. Only those who possess your gift have a face when they choose to do so. I have never found or heard of any others."

...

"And in the vision, your father's statue did not have one. I do not know if he is so touched as well. But it is why I do not check with my familiarity with you. I feel safe in assuming you are touched as your mother is."

[Shosuro]

"... He is not touched... I don't think he is, anyway."

She is silent for a long moment before continuing. "I... am not sure my mother has a real face. She has features she wears consistently, but... sometimes I think that is just how she looks out of habit. I can tell, sometimes, when she doesn't get them exactly the same way occasionally. I always have the same face, it just... slips from people's minds if I don't concentrate on being seen, like now. We're not exactly the same, I think."

"... I saw it once in real life, when she didn't have a face. I still see it in my dreams occasionally. I have ones sometimes where my face fades away, too."

[Nozomi]

"I... will try to remember your face, Shosuro-sama. Someone besides your mother and father should try to remember it as it is," she said after she had listened to the girl. She felt a sort of distant, almost overwhelming sympathy there. To not really know one's mother, but to always have her there, to know that she looked the way she did more out of habit than choice. It was a sort of surreal hell that she actually could imagine and it wasn't pleasant in her mind. And somehow, the idea of remembering this girl seemed important.

She paused for a moment, relaxing a little more, even if she looked less comfortable in a way. It was more of an awkward moment of 'the hell do I say now?' than it was the nervousness that she sometimes seemed to show. "What... can you tell me of the power that you have, that you are willing to share? I get the feeling you do not fully understand it yourself. I... think that I want to help you somehow. We would not be here if we were merely trading old stories."

[Shosuro]

"It does help to talk about it. I've never explained it before to someone outside the family," she replied, resting her chin on her knees. "I don't fully understand it. I get the impression Mother doesn't either... It's just... what she's always been."

"I, um... I can see into darkness and shadows very clearly. It's not that it isn't dark, it's just... everything in it is as visible as anyone else might see in daylight. Maybe even moreso. I can fade into shadows... it's like they wrap around me. When I was younger, it felt comforting, but now, it's like someone who is a little too eager to have contact with me. When I'm there, I can move to another shadow if I want... it doesn't have to be connected to the first one. Those are what I suppose you would call powers. I thought of them like that when I was a child. Now... it seems more like... like every time I disappear into a shadow, a little of me disappears into it forever. Sometimes I feel like I'm even forgetting myself... It seems to affect you differently, though."

"I suppose that's why I thought that, even if I don't have a right to ask, you might be able to help... help me figure out some options, anyway."

Through all of her, her expression and voice remained neutral, as if she were speaking about a slightly boring thing that had happened to her the previous day. It was carefully done, though, deliberate, as though exerting great control not to react to her own words.

[Nozomi]

Nozomi listened to her very carefully. Within the very limited understanding that she and Shinsei had developed, there were very few things that she had been able to pick up, but there were pieces of information that she was starting to glean. One of these was that this girl had a great deal of self control. She had to have a lot of it to keep from falling into temptations. Because if the shadows seemed to want her to come to them, that was a temptation.

"I am not completely unaffected. I struggle to remember details. I 'can' remember them, but I struggle." And, as she said this she recalled what had helped her to push back, to escape the gaze of whatever she'd awoken. It hadn't simply been her willpower, but her wholeness of self. Meditation had been one of the only things that had helped in the past. "But for some reason you are not wrong. I remember you. I do not think I am touched, as you are, but somehow I remember."

A breath and she remained calm. "You have every right to ask. I took the path that I did, so that I could help others find what is greatest in themselves and build upon it. You are more than these gifts. If I can help you see that, it's a small victory, but a victory. I believe that your will is important, the ability to defy temptation to give too much of yourself, but I think there is more to it than that. I remember back to the day I felt... the shadows looking at me. It was the wholeness of myself, my void, which I drew upon to resist that gaze. Meditation has helped ever since. I am not good at it, but I study it regularly to better strengthen that part of me." A pause and she folded her arms. "Additionally, if ... please do not consider this an accusation, but if Jade is effective against the touch of Jigoku, then there is probably something that is also the opposite of the influence you feel. Something, perhaps, tied to light, since it is shadows and darkness that help it."

"If you wish, I can attempt something as well. This may help, it may not. It is a technique I learned from the Little Teacher, though Shinsei is far greater at it than I. The day before we were to descend into the very heart of the realm of evil, he looked into the souls of each of us in turn, and selected four from among the many who were... not worthy but best suited. He looked into my eyes, and both of us knew that he saw fear, fear that would have killed them all. And so I was not chosen. But he saw in Yamadono no fear, only a fount of determination like a mountain, and so he went and emerged whole. The gaze... is hard for me. I may not see anything. I might see aa little, but I might also see something in you that you have not seen yourself. A strength, a weakness. But I won't look unless you wish it."

[Shosuro]

Shosuro nodded as she listened, turning over what she said in her mind. Finally, she nodded at the suggestion. "That's fine. Do you need me to do anything?"

[Nozomi]

"This may sound strange, but if you can relax the Air within you, bring your mind at peace and focus on the internal sense of solidity within yourself, your Earth, it may help. I have a suspicion that your Air is ascendant, as is your Fire. Anyone who works from the shadows needs these elements to be strong. That may help. Otherwise, just look into my eyes."

Once she was settled, moving into a proper lotus posture, she brought her palms up on her knees and faced towards Shosuro. Her eyes locked with the other woman, and there was a faint glow that emanated from them. It was not the pronounced glow that was seen when Shinsei did this, piercing deep within a person and seeing literally everything they did not know about themselves. What she was capable of doing with this was a mere drop in a vast ocean, a gust of air in the midst of a hurricane of life. Yet, still, there was an intensity to the gaze that was beyond that which normal men possessed as it searched for something within the other.

(OOC: I believe it's a contested Air. I don't know if it's possible for her to choose to not resist the roll. That's more or less what Nozomi is requesting she do. If she can learn something: Her focus is on spiritual advantage/disadvantage or if she can identify her lowest or highest ring, attempting to gauge where the state of her Void is.)

(OOC #2: -1 Void Point, 30 on the Contested Air roll. She specifically meditated to be at two void at the start of this conversation, and so she has 1 Void Point currently remaining in case she needs to resist anything.)

[Nozomi]

Shosuro nodded as she listened, turning over what she said in her mind. Finally, she nodded at the suggestion. "That's fine. Do you need me to do anything?"

Once she was settled, her eyes locked with Shosuro, and the gold hue blotted out the blood red of her eyes for a moment. It cast the pallor of her skin oddly, and shone with a brilliance that Nozomi never usually used, before finally fading. She was breathing a little heavily, one hand reaching over to grip the table.

"I... am really not Shinsei," she whispered softly, laughing almost a pained laugh as she said it. "If the conversation he has had with the Emperor was not evidence enough, this is. He could do that without effort. It is not easy for me." A careful breath and she settled herself, looking over at the girl carefully. Her next words were pitched low, so that they would not be easily overheard if anyone even attempted it at this hour.

"I saw... We call the Void an emptiness, but it is not. It's oneness. It is not like the touch of evil. That is a corruption, a blight upon the elements. No, I saw a ... a hole. no, not a hole. A hole is something. This was nothing, a lack of anything that is attached to you. It is not complete, but it is drawing on the rest of you. I have never... seen its like, and yet it is familiar to me." She had seen her mother. Somehow she hadn't expected that, but ... "Your connection to Bayushi helps protect you. Like Genji, like Satsuki, you share a god's blood. There is some shielding in that, and it may be part of what helps you, because... it is not your raw willpower that resists this. It is something else."

"This confirms what I thought. It is not our willpower that resists this pull. If it is nothing, then it is 'everything' which shields. Your Void is extremely important, and along with the touch of your father, it's what keeps you Shosuro. Your mother does not have this. She, like me, is a mortal woman. And I suspect that makes the ... nothing inside you want you more."

[Shosuro]

Shosuro gave a small smile at the discussion of Shinsei, then waited and listened. "that... makes a great deal of sense. It seems all the more important not to let it have me, then..."

[Nozomi]

"It... I do not know if it is malign or not. I do not know 'what' it is, or I suppose is not in this case," she said, relaxing again as best she could, though it was not easy with that thought inside of her. "But I would say that it is ultimately your choice, your will that must decide that. As each of us walk our path, we walk it by that choice. And yours is yours to walk, not mine, though I am willing to share it for a time as I do with many others."

Which was to say. "If you feel it is your will that you shield yourself, that you remain Shosuro, then yes. It is very important that you not let it have you. Void and meditation, I believe, can help... as does resisting the urge to indulge in its gifts. But I fear like the touch of other realms, there are limits in this. And I want to give you more than just a way to slow its progress." She thought about it for a moment. "I want to look into this more, to meditate on it. Gifts, like the one you saw, are things drawn from the elements, from our connections. I do not know if one could be taught, but if one could be taught, there must be a way for one's connection to help. And if this is what you want?"

...

"I want to help. I resisted this pull long ago. Yet I still feel it close at times. There has to be some value in that."