Sharing is Caring (D7LM)

[Doji Hikaru]

Hikaru shifted, grimacing. It was a few moments before he managed to speak. "Doji-sama is very much the child of both of her parents." He finally said. There was certainly a lot that could be said about that.

He took a deep breath. "I think she does not quite want to face how bad it has become. Acknowledging my search, acknowledging what we have been doing... it is easier to be angry at us than to face Lady Doji's illness."

Another breath. "But yes. I am inclined to be kind to her as well." His lips shifted. "Once Lady Doji improves, I think she will be able to return that kindness."

[Togashi Satsuki]

There really was nothing to say on that. Nanzi wasn't someone she knew very well, and her mother always seemed a bit sad whenever she spoke of him.

"Yeah, you're probably right there. That it's easier to be angry than to confront the realities," she agreed, reaching for her own letter. "I'll entrust this one to you then. I think I can guess what her reply will be, but... I must do what I think is right, and honor what my parents taught me. People don't always think clearly when they're hurt, and... my cousin isn't one to consider other people a whole lot."

She frowned, thinking back to the play. It was odd, because she had had a fun time on stage during it, but looking back now, it was a bad taste in her mouth, that she had been foolish to think it was just a silly thing, and not considered that her cousin used art to make political statements to please egos, compared to the Saru philosophy of using art to further the ideals of creating a more beautiful world.

"It was kind of odd, I see in hindsight, that Nanzi and Kinsen were named characters in the story, whereas the heroes who descended with uncle Hantei into Jigoku were just... nameless cast."

[Doji Hikaru]

Hikaru's eyes narrowed; he watched Satsuki's face carefully as he spoke. It wasn't as though she tried to hide her feelings, but he was growing more familiar with them all the same. "I shall deliver it for you, then." He said.

He pursed his lips a moment. "In hindsight, yes. Art is for expression. Sometimes it makes the viewer think. Even color choice can be a statement, or a viewpoint to consider. I suppose we must consider the statement this makes."

Smiling gently at her, Hikaru gave Satsuki a nod. "But do not let what happened tarnish your performance. I meant what I said last night. Sometimes... we can only play the part we are given as best we can." His lips pursed at that, his own comment making him pensive.

[Togashi Satsuki]

"Yes, I think so too... art is a reflection of its creator, one way or another," she managed a small smile herself, though she grew curious seeing him grow pensive as he often did.

"I'm not ashamed of my performance. I was a pretty darn brilliant depiction of Jiyo Sora, if I dare say so myself." Some bravado was warranted to lighten the mood. "But, what makes you so pensive, Hikaru-san?"

[Doji Hikaru]

"Oh, yes." Hikaru murmured, giving her a smile. It seemed he was getting better at it. "Believe me, I felt very judged whenever you turned that eye on me."

But then he sighed. "The thought of playing parts. Sometimes I feel marked by destiny." He reached up, teasing at his own white lock, making it tumble away from his face. "But I wonder what role I have to play for it. Or as Lady Doji's servant. Or Doji-samas". His lips shifted at that. "A daunting thought, sometimes."

[Togashi Satsuki]

"Hmmmmm..." crossing her legs underneath her skirts, Satsuki placed her hands in her lap and sat a bit straighter. Very much like how her father would at times, or Nadare-sensei.

"That depends. Question is first if you mean fate or destiny? Second question is, what do you consider destiny and fate to be?"

[Doji Hikaru]

Hikaru's lips shifted. "You ask difficult questions, Togashi-sama." He murmured. He took a moment to pour both of them more tea before going on.

"I do not know the difference between destiny and fate. But I believe certain events are destined. Meetings especially. Me and Kakita. Kakita and Hadananzi." He looked at her. "I have had the feeling that you and I were fated to meet. Perhaps."

He let that hang there a moment, then went on. "Some outcomes, as well. I don't mistake this for thinking that I cannot change outcomes, but nevertheless..." He gave a tiny shrug.

[Togashi Satsuki]

"We often use destiny and fate interchangibly, but in terms of philosophy and speaking of the future, they are in fact different things. We all have a place in the universe, from the humblest field mouse to the Emperor himself. The universe has an order, something the Kami brought with the Celestial Order, when they arrived to Ningen-do."

She found a comfort of sorts, in speaking of the lessons her parents had imparted to her. While it didn't make her less tired, it eased away some of her worries and concerns.

"Fate is solid, set by outside forces, and is outside of our control or influence. It is just the natural progress of life, of the universe. Destiny on the other hand, we can shape - with destiny, we choose, and our destiny is shaped by our choices. Fate put you on this path, to become a loyal retainer to Lady Doji, but you make the choices that shape your destiny as one of those who will rescue her."

[Doji Hikaru]

Hikaru sipped tea as he listened. His expression was neutral, but his eyes were interested.

"In that case, I suppose I feel strangely about fate, but comforted by destiny. I do not doubt my ability to shape it." Hikaru said, his tone firm. After a moment, his lips shifted. "That does not mean I won't worry, though. The stakes are too high for me to not."

Hikaru's eyes narrowed, just a little. "May I ask what you think about it? And your place in it?"

[Togashi Satsuki]

"Hmmm... I don't know what my place in the universe is, or where fate will lead me, but that's alright. I'm not scared." Mostly. Only a little. "Mother said that she understood when she became a mother herself, and had spent the months leading up to the birth speaking and learning from my father. But both my parents will also be the first ones to tell you that the path to enlightenment will be different for everyone!"

At least she intended for those words to be reassuring.

"As for destiny... I... don't think about it too much. More that, I think that I might get distracted from the journey itself, if I try to hard to decide this is my destiny. I'm sure that when I see it, I will know, but until then - I will try to not worry about it." She chuckled softly with some humor. "In that regard, I envy some of my cousins; like Genji-kun, Rei-Rei, and Hime-chan. They're the heirs to their clans, they clearly see the road ahead of them and the destiny that is in their hands. Me? I don't know. It's not something father has spoken with me or my brother about, but... I also see that this state of uncertainity also is a gift in a way. I'm sure father knows what his choice will be, but I think it's also nice that he's not putting that burden on us yet. We're still young, and he and mother look young and healthy as always - I don't think there will be a need for any of us to step up for a long time."

[Doji Hikaru]

Hikaru's eyebrows went up a bit at Genji-kun and Rei-Rei, but he couldn't restrain a chuckle at Hime-chan. "Hime-chan? Really?" Chuckling again, Hikaru shook his head.

Sipping tea, he sighed. "I've met each of you, now. Hmmmm." A moment as he considered. "I have sometimes wondered if I missed anything not knowing my parents. I sometimes wondered if I might have lost brothers or sisters. I never considered that I might have cousins somewhere..."

[Togashi Satsuki]

She chuckled too, not minding sharing that bit of informal nicknames with him.

"Maybe? I know my mother weren't raised by her birth-parents either, but was taken in by the tribe's lone armor-maker after she had been found as a babe, so... I think that it's more important who you consider your family and to be important to you. But of course, it doesn't hurt to remember your blood relatives in your prayers, even if you don't recall them as such - after all, we all have parents that made us, neh?"

[Doji Hikaru]

Hikaru looked thoughtful. "I try." He said. After that, he was silent for a few moments.

Then he shook his head. "Last night was not the first night Wu Ko and I met. We took a break from writing the Tao at the same time. She seems very fond of you." Hikaru said.

[Togashi Satsuki]

"Ko is..." her voice trailed off, but in almost a happy way. "She's a wonderful friend. I'm glad to have met her. Mind you, I wasn't too thrilled at first that mother wanted someone to look after me and be like my... attendant. But, I understood quickly that Ko was genuinly a very caring and nice person. And... it's not at all a feeling of her being my attendant. Ko is my friend, and I trust her with my life."

As the others had seen last night, Ko had been the one she had reached out to for comfort in the brief moment of lucidness she had had. "She's taught me lots of stuff, about nature and spirits - I think I mostly teach her to be social? Was she being social when you met?"

[Doji Hikaru]

Smiling gently, Hikaru nodded. "I would say so. In a sense. She approached me as I was looking at the moon, and we began a conversation. It... was a little strange. It was a bit like speaking with a spirit, or being in a dream." He paused a moment. "But she was pleasant to speak with."

He paused a moment, sipping tea, eyes on his cup. "It was clear that she cares a great deal about you, as well."

[Togashi Satsuki]

"Did she? That's good..." her smile seemed to be one of ease, and a bit of relief, as she seemed happy for Ko's progress. "She does. I know... Ko's not one who opens up easily to others, but... I kinda understand her, and we understand eachother, so - yeah, I care for her a great deal too. And Yatsufusa. They're both my friends, and... we all have ideas on how to improve things in the Dragon. Yesterday's talk about theology and such was for us to get an understanding of how the other clans had come together to create their priestly traditions, so that we can do the same for the Dragon."

Realising her tea was getting even cooler, she took another sip, and held back a grimace at the taste of lukewarm tea.

[Doji Hikaru]

"I'm glad that the talk was productive." Hikaru said politely. "I was perhaps out of my depth, but even a small clue may help." He shook his head gently, his white lock swaying about. A brief pause, and then: "Still, your clanmates impressed last night. Both of them."

Watching Satsuki grimace, Hikaru grimaced as well; it seemed to be an expression that he had little trouble with. "I should have brewed the tea here." He said quietly. "Tea is delicate, and needs to be treated properly. I'd just wanted to have it all ready..." He trailed off, lips pressing together.

[Togashi Satsuki]

She knew she could ask the fire kami to return heat to the contents of her cup, but... no, she was fine with not doing it so early in the morning. "It's alright... it's not that bad."

Last night. A topic that made her uncomfortable, yet it was a reality she couldn't ignore. Reality could never ignored, no matter how much some wanted to ignore it because it wasn't pretty or convenient.

"I... it's a comfort to know they were there. Not that I don't trust you, or Sora, or Nozomi, but... Sora knew about my condition, but had never seen it happen to me like that. Ko and Yatsufusa, have seen it before, and I'm," Satsuki bit her lower lip nervously, "comforted to have them there, and worried at the same time, if that makes sense."

[Doji Hikaru]

"Worried?" Hikaru frowned, then his pale eyes glinted with understanding. "Oh." His eyes grew gentle as he regarded Satsuki. The particular mix of bravery and kindness in being willing to do this thing, but not wanting her friends hurt was... well, Hikaru would say that he was impressed.

"It's not you." He said. "That was clear from the first moment I heard the laughter. It wasn't like how you laugh." Hikaru frowned, pausing a moment. "I expect that may be small comfort, perhaps none at all. But it matters." He'd been afraid last night, that she might be hurt, that someone else might be. But it was very different from being afraid of her.

[Togashi Satsuki]

"I know it's not me," there was a soft sigh following those words. It was something she knew very well, but it was also still her, in a way.

"Just..." Satsuki paused, looking at Hikaru carefully now. "... You're afraid of me now, aren't you?"