[D8, LM] Seeking monk-ly wisdom

[Akodo Kawauso]

Akodo Kawauso, her mind busy with thoughts unrelated to the falling snow, the duel, or other things much beyond herself, strode across the garden in search of someone she had great trust in: Nozomi the monk. While the Lion didn't know much of anything about monk things, she knew wisdom was an important aspect -- and she needed some.

Wind tugging gently at her wool cloak, she stopped to look around, hoping this would be the place to find her objective.

[Nozomi]

There were rumors that the monk had been seen in some strange scuffle involving snow. But, if one looked at her when they found her within the gardens, there wasn't a spot of it on her wicker cloak. her daughter, not far away, was red faced and definitely looked like she'd taken a few snowballs to the face, however, so ... she'd probably been involved, not that anyone was going to prove that.

Nozomi caught sight of the Akodo's approach and bowed low. "Akodo-sama. Good to see you today. I hope you've been well."

[Akodo Kawauso]

"Ah, Nozomi-san," Kawauso says with clear relief. "I am well, thank you. And, likewise, I hope," she says inelegantly, with a wave of her hand seemingly trying to put the words in the proper order. "Um, could I trouble Nozomi-san for some... advice? I, ah, understand that monks are good sources of wisdom," the Lion says with genuine ignorance.

[Nozomi]

She chuckled as that was intimated. "I am a terrible monk," she said, bowing to the Akodo and offering her a small wink. "My daughter, despite my constant harsh lessons, is further along in her studies than I am in truth. And yet, there are times I can give some guidance. Sometimes, it helps to talk to someone whose former life was not quite so ... meditative, to combine those lessons. Either way, ask and I will do as I can to help you."

[Akodo Kawauso]

"Thank you, Nozomi-san. I, um. I am not sure exactly how to ask..." She sits, her cloak adequate against the snow for someone used to being outdoors.

"I, um..." She starts again, nervously. "I have been... thinking... about the possibility," she seems to take a deep breath, "that I may not... marry." Her voice goes low to say the word, as though she's scared of it. "And, uh... I wanted to ask someone. Wise. About that." She finishes, having only achieved eye contact for about four of the words she'd said.

[Nozomi]

She blinked. Mayumi blinked and hid her lips behind her hand, bowing to the Akodo. "I think, Akodo-sama, that I am a bit young for this conversation. If you do not mind, I will go meditate and prepare for today's session in court," she said, bowing low to her. "But... just so you know. The Order of Heroes is permitted to wed, as I'm sure mother will tell you. I fully intend to at some point myself." That got a shot glare from her mother at her daughter like 'the hell you say, who is he and when can I skin him alive' before she waited and if given leave departed out of ear-shot.

Nozomi, presumably waiting until she had gone a little bit further, cleared her throat. "That girl's mouth will get her in trouble one day." She coughed once. "So... to be clear... there is nothing wrong with that choice, just as there is nothing wrong with the choice to marry. It was not possible for me to take my vows with Mayumi's father due to the circumstances that occurred south of the river." It was a half-truth and lie that Nozomi had told so many times that she was all too familiar with how to put it. She and Shinsei couldn't marry because the Heir of Shinsei would be in mortal peril, and the line of Shinsei was pivotal one day in the distant future. She knew this. He knew this. And so, Mayumi's 'father,' a man named Taka, had died in the far south, a caravan guard killed by a Bog Hag. But either way, it was half true. The vision that had led to the choice had been south of the river after all. "I will always love her father, and no other. I would never marry another, man or woman, than him."

Sighing, she folded her arms and smiled over at the woman. "Tell me. Why do you not wish to marry? I think the answer will come from your motives and intent."

[Akodo Kawauso]

Kawauso takes her time to process all she's heard, and seems at one point like she might be getting ready to leave, but she stays where she is and, licking her lips, answers the question.

"Uh, when I came to the capital, I had really given the topic no thought at all. Between my schooling and service to my father -- uh, which is why I'm here, I am his most trusted emissary -- so when would I? But the conversations about marriage here are as frequent as the ones about tea. And having met some people, I thought... I should be thinking about it. And with more talking and thinking, I... I think I had a specific hope." She looks at the ground. "I did start to hope, although... It was foolish. And I even said it wouldn't work. But..." Kawauso's voice trails off and she continues to look down.

With great effort she says, "I... I don't know if it will work."

[Nozomi]

Nozomi smiled over at the younger woman and shook her head. "You are not being foolish. Personally, as much as I understand their use of marriage to cement ties between tribes and clans, I think they're being a little aggressive about it." There was a pause and she chuckled softly. "That and Hantei-sama has been trying to get her son married for years now. That woman lives for the children that Hantei gave her at times. They're the apples of her eye, just as mine is for me." She glanced, her awareness extended, catching the feeling of her daughter, making sure where she was before she continued.

"What is your hope, Akodo-sama?"

[Akodo Kawauso]

"My hope, Nozomi-san?" The Lion looks thoughtful. "I am not sure. I..." She exhales heavily.

"I hope that I can make sense of this," she says, a little exasperated. "I, um... My parent's marriage," she says quietly, "didn't... work out. And my father has never spoken of me marrying. It, um... It feels like maybe that isn't... for me?" She pauses there, long enough that one would be tempted to start replying, but then she continues. "But... maybe I should not, um," she waves a hand vaguely, like she's trying to catch the right words out of the air. "Maybe I should not... rely on that example?"

[Nozomi]

"You are not your father, Akodo-sama. I am sure he is a good man, but at the same time, you are also not him, anymore than you are your mother." She folded her arms, looking her over for a moment. She was clearly very nervous talking about this, and frankly? It wasn't something she could probably talk about with anyone but her sister. If then at all. She tapped her foot for a moment.

"In the path of enlightenment we ultimately walk alone. Each of our paths are unique. Sometimes we share a step or two. I have traveled many of mine with Shinsei, but not all, and my journey will not end at the same destination as the Little Teacher's. My daughter's path will not be mine either, the kami be praised. It is the same in life. Forgive me, but I worry about the world that some of the clans wish to fashion at times. It is rigid, assumes 'this must be as such' and 'that must be done in this way.' And, while some form is helpful, they can be very rigid in their view of things. It forces all along single paths, paths which may not be fitting or best for them to realize their potential." She didn't say Akodo was one of those people, but it was written all over her face. Akodo, Hantei and Doji were quite well known for their views on culture. "So, the advice I give to you will not necessarily be one that your superiors will give you."

"Walk your own path, take your time, and find out what it is that you feel called to be. If it is unwed today, but ten years from now you choose to marry, so be it. If you are childless and unwed, married to your spear to the day you die? So be it. If you find a man or woman, fall in love tomorrow and track down a priest by nightfall, so be it. Do not worry that you walk your father's footsteps. You walk your own, as he walks his own. You will make your own mistakes and learn from them, and none of those three choices or the bounty of others like them? None of them is wrong."

[Akodo Kawauso]

Kawauso listens with rapt attention, hands clasped in her lap. She nods on occasion, especially about those pushing strict rules. And by the time Nozomi finishes, the Lion looks at her warmly, with a little touch of wonder.

"I think you are very wise, Nozomi-san," she says, sounding awestruck. "I mean, I have... had some of these thoughts. But it is so..." She gets stuck trying to find the word she needs. "It's, um... so... calming, I guess. I... You can probably tell that I don't have conversations like this." She bows her head, a little embarrassed, but she also looks up again soon after.

"And I think, um, regarding strict rules... I share this concern. And others I have talked with here do too. It is... not the right focus for the energy and the progress that the kami have brought to our world. Although I expect Lord Akodo would listen to me even less than my father, I would encourage an, ah, approach less divergent from tribes' traditions. We can do much to improve people's lives without rewriting them, eh?" She gives the monk a warm smile that does not diminish the clear doubt that Akodo will agree with a river girl.

[Nozomi]

"No, I know you don't. It's a habit that's been building since the clans started to form. The Samurai don't talk about their feelings as much as they used to. A few of them are still full of piss and vinegar and wear their hearts on their sleeve, but your generation is tightening its lips up. In time, I think that will only increase. Much as I think there's a time and place to be rock solid and stolid against all odds, at times there's a price. This is one of those." She shrugged and then smirked over at her. "But I'm not a samurai am I? Not exactly a heimin either. We have our own little place, and I think perhaps that will be something we take advantage of. Sometimes, you lot just need to talk it out with someone who can."

Admittedly, in time there would be geisha as well, but there was a difference in those forms of companionship. To have someone willing to listen, unperturbed by emotion, seemed a good thing to her. "Your lord will not see this differently, no. I have never had the ... privilege to meet him, but I have heard enough to be clear. He is like his sister and brother, Doji and Hantei. They live by a stricter code, a specific one, that is beyond what heaven demanded, but which is focused on the earth and the relations of its people. You've got a hard path there to follow. And, it may not allow you the ease of following your heart, Akodo-sama. But, I think you will be fine if you trust in those instincts, obey what needs to be obeyed, serve and take peace in being the completion of who you are. After all, you are not merely another blade in his army. None of you are. You are Akodo Kawauso, and what makes that servant unique is of value to Akodo. You need only take the time to find out how to be so within his limits."

A pause and she tapped her lips. "But ... try not to worry about getting married one way or another. I think that will resolve itself, though... if you really feel strongly, you might petition your lord for a warrior's oath or some such. I think Akodo would probably value such a thing. One of his soldiers swearing themselves to their blade and honor, service in war over all else. It sounds like something he would like, should you choose that path."

[Akodo Kawauso]

Kawauso listens intently still, nodding as Nozomi affirms things that she already wants to believe.

"My, uh... My family was not very good at talking about feelings, even before Lord Akodo won my father's allegiance." She sniffs. "Although it is... worse now." She shakes her head to chase away that topic.

"I am... I have never thought, really, about marriage until recently. It is... It is perhaps a thing I don't understand enough to make good decisions about," she admits, looking down for a longer time now.

[Nozomi]

"You know, when I was a young girl, unless people had some sort of aspirations to be leaders of some sort of in the tribes? Marriage was usually just something people did when they fell in love or to bring families together." She mused about it for a moment. "But now, there's this business of politics. It feels as if they have turned it into something different in some cases."

She shrugged. "But what it sounds like is that you don't understand your heart right now. You are young, Akodo-sama. But a word of warning as you grow. Attachments are fine... but they can bring pain. They can tie you down. I'm not saying not to take them. Each walks their own path. Some of us marry, after all. But it can be a blessing... or pain."

[Akodo Kawauso]

"Hai, Nozomi-san," the Lion says, nodding emphatically. "It is... Or, it can be, complicated in many ways. And going from no thought at all on the subject to, um, many thoughts in a short time... It feels even more complicated, I think." She takes a deep breath.

"Nozomi-san's wisdom is very helpful. I, um, am not very accustomed to asking for guidance... I probably should have done so earlier," she says softly."

[Nozomi]

She chuckled. "Well... when you suddenly find yourself surrounded by so many offers and options, you have to learn quickly. The heart does not move quite that fast usually." A smile rested on her face and she shrugged. "And I'm glad to help a little, though I'll admit that I'm not the greatest source when it comes to romance. We monks don't usually do too terribly much of it, even if some marry."

And she hardly thought her situation... typical.